You know exactly what she’s just been through. You know what those early weeks look like, better than most of us. But when “just pop round and help” isn’t an option, two hours away, or a flight, it can be hard to know what to actually do instead.
So we asked Hannah Gregory, founder of postnatal support platform Amae, to write about exactly that: how you can show up for a new mum properly, meaningfully, even from a distance.
In today's world, families are spread across cities, counties, and sometimes continents. The days of a grandmother moving in down the road, or even for the week after birth, are largely behind us. Yet the need for that support hasn't gone anywhere. If anything, it has deepened.
The average age of mothers in England and Wales has now reached 31, and that number is even higher in London.¹ Between 1991 and 2021, the average age of mothers at birth rose from 27.7 to 30.9.² Women are building careers and then suddenly they're at home with a newborn, confusingly finding it the most challenging thing they've ever done. The naivety that cushions a younger mother isn't there. The village that once existed now seems absent.
My mum had her mum move in for the week after birth, to support with laundry, cook meals and just be there with her words of wisdom, during what can be a magical yet fragile time. I can't imagine many families working this way anymore, but that doesn't mean the need has disappeared. And the feeling of failure can be even greater when you're older. Perhaps you've been running a team of people or working on large deals in the City, and now you find yourself at home with "just a baby" but finding it harder than anything that came before.
The data bears this out. Research shows that 82% of new mothers feel lonely some of the time, and more than four in ten say they are lonely often or always.³ Between 56,000 and 85,000 mothers across England, which is 10 to 15% of those who give birth, are estimated to experience postnatal depression each year.⁴ Perinatal mental illness is estimated to cost the UK £8.1 billion a year, predominantly due to lasting health consequences for children.⁵ These are not small numbers. This is a generation of women who need more support than they are getting.
As a grandparent, you feel it too. You know what she's just been through. You know what those early days look like. A fluffy toy feels meagre. A babygrow feels beside the point. You want to do something real, but the two-hour drive makes popping by for a cup of tea and to help feel impossible.
So here's how you can still show up, meaningfully and practically, even from afar.
Meal Delivery
The one thing every new mother desperately needs and rarely prioritises for herself is food. A subscription or credit with a quality meal delivery service means she's eating properly in those foggy, relentless early weeks without anyone having to think about it. It's the closest thing to turning up at the door with a casserole.
A Babysitter
Especially useful for second-time parents, what they often crave most is a spontaneous evening out, or even a quiet afternoon in. Gifting a few hours with a trusted babysitter gives them permission to breathe, reconnect as a couple, or simply sit in silence. It's a luxury that feels impossibly small until it actually arrives.
A Lactation Consultant
Breastfeeding can make or break the early months for a new mother, and the difference between struggling alone and having expert guidance is enormous. Gifting a session or two with a qualified lactation consultant is one of the most quietly powerful things you can do. It tells her: I see how hard this is, and I want it to be easier.
A Doula
If you can't be there in person, a doula is the answer. A postnatal doula offers the kind of support that used to come from family: cooking, laundry, holding the baby, gentle guidance through those fragile early days. It is, in many ways, the most loving gift of all. Presence, when you can't be present yourself.
The hardest part is usually knowing where to start — finding someone vetted, available, and the right fit, from two hours away. This is where curated gifting platforms like Amae come in: they connect families with trusted postnatal doulas and support services, so you can gift the care itself rather than the research project of finding it.
A Nappy Subscription
Simple, unglamorous, and genuinely appreciated every single month. A nappy subscription, something my own mum set up for my sister and me through Peachies, means one less thing to remember, one less delivery to track, one less moment of realising you've run out at midnight. It's the kind of ongoing, practical love that grandparents do so well. And it keeps showing up, every month, just like you would if you could.
You don't have to be in the room to make her feel cared for. The right support, chosen with real understanding, says everything that words sometimes can't.
A Wellness Treatment
Buy a post-natal massage, or a nail appointment, something just for the mum to do without the baby. Those early days you become entwined with the baby, you forget who you even are, a small gesture like this reminds her.
Hannah Gregory is the founder of Amae, a curated gifting platform that connects new families with trusted postnatal support — from meal delivery and night nannies to sleep consultants and wellness treatments — so the people who love them can gift real, practical care, wherever they live.
¹ Office for National Statistics, Births in England and Wales: 2024 — standardised mean age of mothers was 31.0 years in 2024, with London the highest of all English regions and Wales at 32.5 years.
² Office for National Statistics data, cited via Statista, Average age of mothers in the UK — average age of mothers rose from 27.7 years in 1991 to 30.9 years in 2021.
³ Co-op and British Red Cross research, cited in Co-op news release, "Eight out of ten young mums will feel lonely this Mother's Day" — 82% of mums under 30 feel lonely some of the time, and 43% are lonely often or always.
⁴ Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych), "Postnatal depression harming up to 85,000 new mums in England" (2025) — between 56,000 and 85,000 mothers (10–15% of those who gave birth) across England are estimated to have experienced postnatal depression in 2024.
⁵ Bauer, A., Parsonage, M., Knapp, M., Iemmi, V., & Adelaja, B., The Costs of Perinatal Mental Health Problems, Centre for Mental Health / London School of Economics, 2014 — perinatal mental illness is estimated to cost the UK £8.1 billion a year, predominantly due to lasting health consequences for children.
